The Truth In The Sweat Lodge
by celestialwinters
Summary: Clare has to make the ultimate choice: Her first love or the gorgeous and uncomplicated new boyfriend? How the sweat lodge scene in "Don't Panic pt. 2" should have gone.
1. Chapter 1

**So this is how I wish that the "Don't Panic pt. 2" sweat lodge scene **_**would **_**have gone down. I know it may be a little bit unrealistic as a reunion for Eclare, but ANYTHING is better than that gross "I love you" scene. Is anyone else as irritated by that scene as I was? Okay, like how long have she and Jake been together? They're together because of physical attraction and physical attraction alone. And Jake didn't even actually say he loved Clare, Eli said it for him. Eli and Clare never even actually said "I love you" to each other, although it was kind of always implied. Just… ugh. If anyone one would like to share their view on this, feel free to put it in a review or PM me. :)**

**Okay, ranting done. On with the story!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. If I did, said rants about this scene would not have needed to happen because the scene would have gone way differently.**

**Tumblr: lifeinwonderlandd**

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><p>"He loves you, Clare," Eli murmured.<p>

Clare looked at him, her lips parted in shock.

She regained her senses, looking to Jake for affirmation of this claim.

He just beamed at her, happily. She couldn't help but be reminded of a cute little puppy that sits in one of those display windows of a pet shop to attract customers.

Clare smiled softly back at him. "I…" She murmured, then looked back to her first love, who seemed to be waiting as expectantly as Jake for a reply. Except Eli's expression wasn't that of a happy puppy in a pet shop window.

He looked defeated, his face crestfallen.

Clare bit her lip, realizing the full ridiculousness of this situation.

The first boy she ever fell in love with, sitting across from her, telling her that her new boyfriend loved her.

"This is all too crazy," Clare finally muttered, letting out a nervous laugh.

Jake's face fell; obviously, that was _not _quite the response he had wanted.

Clare noticed Jake's expression change as he suddenly turned his attention to the ground.

She looked at Eli, and saw that he was doing much of the same thing as Jake. _Is the ground so interesting? _She thought, irritated.

"Eli?" She said softly. He looked up, offering a sad smile. "Can you leave Jake and I alone for a second?"

"Uh…" Eli quickly looked between the couple, not quite sure what was about to transpire. "Yeah, sure." He said, hesitantly standing up and wiping his hands on his skinny jeans.

"I'll just be…" Eli trailed off, pointing to the entrance of the sweat lodge.

Clare nodded, smiling. Jake didn't look up.

After Eli left, a silence fell over.

Not a comfortable one.

"Jake?" Clare finally murmured.

He looked up at the ceiling of the lodge, avoiding Clare's gaze. "You still love _him_, don't you?" He asked bitterly, flicking his hand toward the entrance.

Clare bit her lip. "I'm so sorry, Jake. I didn't mean—"

"Yeah, Clare. I know." He sighed deeply, looking down again.

The silence fell over them again, Clare growing more and more anxious.

"I knew, too, you know? That you still loved him." Jake muttered, mostly to himself. "What an idiot I am."

"Jake," Clare said, reaching out to him. "You are _not _an idiot." She said, her voice full of empathy for this boy she cared so much for.

It just wasn't enough.

"Don't," He said, his voice strained. "Don't make this any harder."

He exhaled loudly, collecting himself.

"I still want to be your friend, Clare. We've known each other too long to lose that." He finally murmured, his voice softer than it had been.

She smiled at him happily. "You do?"

He looked at her, his usual friendly smile back on his face. "Yeah."

She nodded. "Good. That's good."

"Clare, I do love you. Which is why, just like Eli said for himself before, I want you to be happy," He ran a hand through his shaggy hair, still clearly frustrated by the sudden turn of events. "And once again, like he said about me, if he makes you happy, then…" He trailed off shrugging, unable to complete his sentiment.

"Thank you, Jake," She smiled, hesitantly reaching to touch his hand. He glanced at her smiling then swiftly pulled her in for a hug.

Clare laughed. He pulled away, gazing into her eyes. She knew what he wanted, and she felt it only fair, considering, that she grant him one little thing.

He leaned in slowly, as her breathing got ragged. She would never _not _be attracted to Jake Martin, but she knew now that attraction wasn't everything.

His lips pressed softly to hers, and a pang of sadness hit her. She would miss this. She would miss his smell, his soft voice, his snarky sense of humor, his sweet, boyfriend-ly ways, and how uncomplicated he was. She would even kind of miss the thrill of sneaking behind their parents back.

But, he wasn't Eli.

He pulled away, leaning his forehead against hers, and smiling. "Thank you," He whispered, his sweet breath fanning her face.

She pulled away. "Jake… I _do _love you," She said.

"I know," He smiled sadly. "Just not the same way as him."

Clare nodded, frowning, before getting up from where she sat and walking toward the exit. She reached for the flaps, turning back to look back at Jake one more time.

At what she was letting go of.

He smiled, almost encouragingly, or as encouragingly as he could muster given the circumstances.

She smiled back before turning to the door.

To what she would be gaining.

What she had no intention of letting go of. Not again. 

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><p><strong>This is not the end! This will be a two-parter. Maybe more, depending on how satisfied I feel with the second part.<br>**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, part 2! I'm pretty satisfied with how this turned out, so I probably won't be adding any to it. Thanks for reading/reviewing/favoriting/following/everything! :)**

**Tumblr: lifeinwonderlandd**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. :(**

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><p>Clare, relieved that the talk with Jake was over, stepped out into the breezy Canadian wind. "Eli?" She said softly, her voice happy.<p>

But she looked around and he was nowhere to be seen. _But he said he'd be right out here, _Clare thought, frowning in confusion.

"Eli," She called lightly, her eyes still scanning the small grassy area.

"Clare!" A sweet voice called from the pavement as she half-ran over to where Clare stood.

"Fiona?" Clare asked, even more confused.

"Yeah, Jake and Eli are supposed to present any minute now, so he wanted me to come get you and take you back," Fiona explained quickly with a smile.

"Oh," Clare frowned. "Why… Why didn't he come get me himself?"

Fiona gave her a look that said '_Really?'_

The older girl sighed, leading Clare up the steps into Degrassi. "He said it was because he had to finish up getting supplies for their presentation, but," Fiona said with a flick of her wrist. "I'm sure you can guess the real reason."

Clare bit her lip. _Her and Jake. _

She was beyond shocked that he'd even thought up that plan to get them talking. I mean, less than a week ago, he was trying his best to win her back.

And she knew it had everything to do with him being bi-polar, and he was getting better now that he had a diagnosis, but still.

Fiona left Clare in the entryway of the school. "Well, it's been fun," Fiona chuckled lightly. "See you, Clare," She said with a wave.

Clare smiled and nodded, her mind wandering.

Not even paying attention to her footsteps, she made it to her last period of the day.

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><p><em>2:42. <em>3 more minutes.

The clock on the wall ticked achingly slow. Almost teasing Clare as she stared at it, hearing the repetitive _tick, tick, tick _of the second hand.

Clare laid her cheek against the cool desk, more eager than ever to see Eli.

"Okay, students, remember: Page 125 is due on Monday, so have it ready at the start of class," The teacher said sternly, but Clare just heard muffled words behind the _tick tick _ticking of the clock.

_Brrrrriiiinnngggg_

The bell sounded loudly, and Clare jumped from her seat, grabbing her things and hurrying for the door.

"Have a great weekend!" The teacher called.

Clare smiled at the sentiment. _She intended to._

She walked straight out the classroom to see Eli at his locker. _Perfect. _

"Eli," She beamed, walking up to him. His eyes flashed with an unreadable emotion before he smiled slightly.

"Clare," He said quietly, nodding as he turned back to the contents of his locker.

Clare turned her attention to it. "It's clean," She commented, shocked that he'd made that much progress.

"Yeah." He said, his face neutral. "So is my room."

She smiled, a proud feeling washing over her.

"So," She said, her tone chipper. "How was the presentation?"

Eli closed his locker, turning to look her straight in the eyes. This time, there was a definite emotion showing in his eyes: Hurt.

Clare flinched from the pain she saw there.

"I'm sure Jake will be really excited to tell you all about it," He said, his voice shaking as he struggled to remain neutral. But Clare didn't miss the bitter edge it took at the end. "It was his idea after all. I only partnered up with him so I could get him to forgive me. Mission accomplished. So you don't need to talk to me or thank me or whatever you're doing right now."

Clare stepped back, hurt, as Eli began to walk away.

"Eli, you don't—" She started in defense.

He stopped, not turning to face her. "Please," She heard him say, his voice faltering. "Please don't make this any harder."

She gasped. Exactly what Jake had said.

"_Don't," He said, his voice strained. "Don't make this any harder."_

Why was she hurting everyone?

Eli began walking again, straight for the door.

Clare felt so helpless. _No, _She thought. _I will fix this. _

So she ran.

She ran right past Eli, blocking his exit.

He narrowed his eyes at her, looking irritated.

"I don't want Jake," She said hurriedly.

His expression changed, his eyes now holding pain, confusion and… hope?

_Hope. Something she missed seeing on him. _

"You… What?" He questioned, unable to form a full thought.

"I don't want Jake." She reiterated slowly.

"Then what _do _you want, Clare?" He asked, exasperated.

"You," Clare said breathlessly. "I… I want you."

His lips parted in shock, and she took that opportunity to mold her lips to his.

The most beautiful, perfect second first-kiss.

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><p><strong>Fin! Hope you guys loved it :)<strong>


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